DEAL FEEL HEAL was written with students to help people
who do not know how to deal with their emotional pain.
Whether coming from homes where a cycle of domestic abuse exists and/or suffering the daily barrage of bullying, stress and pressure, these students are numbing their emotional pain with violence, food, alcohol, drugs, self-injury and,
in some cases, ending their lives.
Listed below are the questions and youth answers about PAIN. We hope their wisdom with help you and those you love.
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WHAT YOUTH SAY ABOUT PAIN
Following are the answers we received from our founding DEAL FEEL HEAL Boot Camp Team students at:
Rolling Prairie Elementary, Elston Middle and Michigan City High Schools in Indiana, and
Jack C. Hays High School, San Marcos High School, Santa Maria High School and Texas State University in Texas.
What Makes Us Hurt?
Abuse (verbal and physical), Abusers (parents, teachers, friends, enemies), Addiction/s, Being beat up (by parents, teachers, friends, enemies), Being Handicapped or Disabled, Boyfriend/Girlfriend problems, Break-ups, Bullying, Coaches, Death in the family, Death of pet or person, Diseases like cancer, Divorce, Doubt, Excluded/left out, Failures, Fear, Fights, Friends, Gang banging, Getting yelled at (by parents, teachers, friends, enemies), Global warming, Gossip, Hazing, Homelessness, Hunger, Insecurity, Leaving people out, Media/Magazines, Mental disorders like depression & anxiety, Moving, Murder, Name-calling, Our past, Ourselves, Parents, Peer pressure, Poverty, Pregnancy, Puberty, Put downs, Racism, Rape, Rumors, Sibling problems, Society, Stress, Suicide, Taken from parent , Teachers, Teasing, Testing, Toxic waste, When someone else gets hurt, Whipping, Worrying about friends.
How Do We Handle Hurt?
Beat ourselves up, Block out our feelings, Bottle it up, Bully others, Commit crimes (such as, arson, assault, rape, robbery, murder, self-harm like cutting, drinking bleach, etc., suicide), Create drama in our life, Cry, Develop an eating disorder (bulimia/anorexia), Do drugs, Drink alcohol/Become an alcoholic, Drive by shooting, Feel like we can’t take it anymore, Get depressed, Go crazy, Go into a depression, Hang themselves, Have homicidal thoughts, Have suicidal thoughts, Hurt others, Hurt our friends and boyfriend/girlfriend, Hurt themselves, Lash out at others, Overdose, Overeat/Become obese, Punch random objects, Rape someone, Seek revenge, Smoke, Stuff it down, Take it out on others, Take it out on ourselves, Try to get put in jail as a way to escape abuse at home
Why Do We Stuff Our Pain?
Don't know how to handle emotional pain, If parents knew they might: put you in a mental institution; ground you; send you to counseling; make you feel guilty, If you say something you might explode into violence, It is hard to handle, It’s better than whining, Parents tell us to just suck it up, Stuffing it is easier than dealing with it, Too angry/mad/sad/hurt inside, Too stressed, We are embarrassed, We want to appear strong, We were taught not to tell people how we feel, You can’t talk to anyone, You have trust issues,
You're too afraid you'll be judged if you talk to someone
What Are The Dangerous Outcomes Of Stuffing
DUI, Baldness, Brain damage, Cancer, Cutting, Death, Diabetes, Drug overdose, Hallucinating, Heart attacks, High blood pressure, Hoarding, Income loss, Lashing out at others violently as well as emotionally, Liver damage, Lose teeth, Lose someone you love,
Money gone, Murder, Obesity, Overdose, Poisoning, Self-harm, Suicide,
The pain stays in your mind and quietly grows without you even realizing it
Ways To Heal Pain So It Is Not Being Stuffed
Attend bullying prevention seminars, Avoid the source, Cry (tears are healing), Don’t perpetuate the pain-learn to avoid the source, Do something physical, Exercise, Find a positive outlet to make your life better, Find a safe place to retreat, Find supportive-accepting friends, Forgiveness, Have a readily available mentor, Have empathy for the person/s who hurt you (know they are probably being hurt too), Journal/Write a letter to yourself about your pain, Meditate (go “inside”), Notify parents, Play a musical instrument, Play games, Play sports, Read self-help books, Sing at the top of your lungs, Talk to a friend, Talk about it with a counselor/coach/therapist, Talk to someone you can trust, Talk to the hurt you have inside as if you were your best friend
What Are The Signs Your Friend Could Have A Drug Or Alcohol Problem?
Acting crazy, Always tired, Appetite loss, Bad breath, Body changes, Can’t walk straight, Change in appearance, Dizzy, Go to the bathroom a lot, Grades drop, Hanging out with a gang and not you anymore, Hurting themselves and/or others, Jittering, Liver problems, Looks stoned all of the time, Mental illness, Moody, Not doing homework, Not going to work or school, Obsessive behavior, Overeating, Passing out, Pulling out of the friendship, Dilated Pupils, Red eyes, Sleeping a lot, Stuttering, Talking and/or acting weird, They distance themselves from you, Using substances before school, Violent outbursts
What Can You Do If You Have A Friend Who Is Abusing Drugs And/Or Alcohol?
Be there for him/her, Do an intervention, Get them away from the substance, Report it to the police and school counselor, Take them to an actual crack house and ask them if they want to end up like the people there, Tell a trusted adult, teacher, parent or call an ambulance, Tell them to stop, Tell them you know what they are doing
What Should You Do If A Friend Is Talking About Hurting Him/Her Self?
Call the suicide hotline, Draw a line with a marker instead of cutting, Let an adult know immediately, Persuade him/her not to do it, Pray, Tell a counselor, Tell a teacher, Tell their parents, Tell your parents, Try to find what the situation is then go from there
DEAL, FEEL, HEAL is an extraordinary book by Betty Hoeffner.
I just finished reading it cover-to-cover this morning - in one
But, of far greater importance, I am looking forward to reading it
again and again to savor each simple, yet profound, section to
carefully extract every little gem of loving wisdom it shares!
To me, Betty was already Wonder Woman in her super-human feats to bring understanding and healing and an end to substance abuse, bullying and suicide amongst youth in the US and around the world. Yet, throughout this book, she shows us, how in every difficult situation we encounter in life, we may all learn to progress on our way to greater peace, joy and fulfillment.
Never before have I read a book, offered as a kind of easy-to-use resource and guide for young people, that so inspired me and that brought forth a bouquet of smiles and far more than a few tears of joy, as did DEAL, FEEL, HEAL." Michael J Tamura, Spiritual Teacher and Author of YOU ARE THE ANSWER
"Betty Hoeffner is to be commended for the honesty she deals with the subject of both being bullied and even at times being a person who has bullied others. In 'DEAL FEEL HEAL she talks about her life-long journey to find love and respect for her own person, as well as to better understand how other people feel. She shows us how a person, with some hard work and self awareness, can learn from her mistakes and become a stronger, better centered individual. In sharing her efforts to be the best person she can be, Ms. Hoeffner teaches us how we can overcome our own fears and limitations to become better, more caring people.'' Bill Zimmerman, author & creator of MakeBeliefsComix.coml
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