Unfortunately
for Chris Brown and Rihanna they have become the poster children for Date Bullying and Domestic Violence.  Chris would physically and verbally abuse Rihanna and she would keep allowing him to come back into her life each time he apologized. Finally, when it got so bad and the headlines were screaming the news, Rihanna had had enough and left Chris. Chris, we hope, got the help he needed to find out why ...  HE ALLOWED ANGER TO CONTROL HIM INSTEAD OF HIM CONTROLLING HIS ANGER.

It is NEVER EVER okay for anyone to physically detain you,
corner you or hit you. NEVER!

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

If you are in an abusive relationship or know of someone who is, the most important first step to take is to realize that it's not your fault. You are not causing the abuser to harm you. Your abuser could be your boyfriend, girlfriend, close relative (mom, dad, sibling, etc.) or friend. Most abusers are victims of domestic violence themselves but that is no excuse. No one has permission to harm you or your family members. NO ONE!  YOU can stop the cycle by learning as much as you can about domestic and date bullying/violence and getting help as soon as you can. For example, domestic bullying/violence is more than physical violence. Check out this list.

EIGHT SIGNS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

1) Does he/she try to keep you away from your friends and family? Abusers want to isolate you so that they have even more power overDating Violence you.

2) Is he/she Dr. Jekyll - Mr. Hyde? If your boyfriend/girlfriend is wonderful one minute and then angry the next that is a sign of potential problems.

3) Is she/he unable to control their anger? Do they hit the wall, slam the door, push you or hit you? Do they corner you and/or physically hover over you or hold you back to keep you from from escaping?

4) Is he/she jealous and possessive? Some jealousy is normal but if you are changing your behavior because you are afraid of what your boyfriend/girlfriend will do then it's time to end the relationship.

5) Does he/she put you down, complain about what you wear and how you look? The quickest way to turn you into a doormat is to strip you of your self-confidence.

6) Does he/she punish you by withholding love? Once an abuser gets you hooked withholding love and affection is the most effective thing they can do to control you.

7) Does he/she blame others and you for everything that goes wrong? Abusers don't take responsibility.

8) Do you break up, then make up, then break up again?  Does he/she convince you to stay in the relationship even though you know you NEED and WANT to get out? It is a vicious circle that keeps you locked in and scared to follow what your heart and MIND are telling you.

STOP THE CYCLE AND GET HELP

If you or a family member is suffering from domestic violence, abuse or date violence, get help as soon as you can.
Talk with a counselor at your school or contact one of the hot lines we've listed below. If you have, or are being abused contact the police to make sure there is a public record. Once you break up with an abusive partner they will go on to abuse others. Having a public record could help his/her next abuse victim. It will also help you.

WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH

A few of us at Hey U.G.L.Y. are survivors of date/domestic abuse
and we know what you are going through. That's why we're working
with the victim advocate experts to develop one of our cool "emotional learning" activity programs for your school to help you never have to withstand this again. But don't wait for our program, get help now.

HOTLINES

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE

U.S. National Teen Dating Violence Helpline at 1-866-331-9474

How to end and overcome an abusive relationship
BROOKE AXTELL'S SPEECH ON DOMESTICE VIOLENCE AT THE 2015 GRAMMY AWARDS:

My name is Brooke Axtell and I am a survivor of domestic violence. After a year of passionate romance with a handsome, charismatic man, I was stunned when he began to abuse me. I believed he was lashing out because he was in pain, and needed help. I believed my compassion could restore him and our relationship. My empathy was used against me. I was terrified of him and ashamed I was in this position. What bound me to him was my desire to heal him. My compassion was incomplete because it did not include me. When he threatened to kill me, I knew I had to escape. I revealed the truth to my mom and she encouraged me to seek help at a local domestic violence shelter. This conversation saved my life.

Authentic love does not devalue another human being. Authentic love does not silence, shame, or abuse. If you are in a relationship with someone who does not honor or respect you, I want you to know that you are worthy of love. Please reach out for help. Your voice will save you. Let it extend into the night. Let it part the darkness. Let it set you free to know who you truly are. Valuable. Beautiful. Loved.

ARE YOU DATING A NARCISSIST?

Narcissism is defined as: excessive sense of self-importance over and above the needs of others; grandiosity; arrogance; absence of ability to empathize and experience reciprocity in relationships; intense need for admiration/attention to fill very low self-esteem; impaired relationships resulting in parasitic/predatory behaviors designed to fill one’s self-esteem in the form of narcissistic supply (DSM-IV).

People with narcissistic traits are known for targeting intelligent, self-sufficient, empathic individuals as partners. They tend to lack core identity (Brown, 2013), and need narcissistic supply to fill their empty psyches. Narcissistic supply comes mostly in the form of adulation, adoration, and attention, but any sort of feedback allows the individual with narcissistic qualities to feel alive (including negative attention). These individuals feel a sense of challenge in targeting highly successful, attractive individuals who may already be in other relationships and/or who express a sense of vulnerability (i.e. having grief or depression, or recently getting out of a relationship).  More...