DATE BULLYING / DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
It is NEVER EVER okay for anyone to physically detain you, corner you or hit you. NEVER!
YOUR ABUSER WILL TELL YOU IT IS YOUR FAULT THEY HURT YOU … IT IS NOT!
Unfortunately for Chris Brown and Rihanna they have become the poster children for Date Bullying and Domestic Violence. Chris would physically and verbally abuse Rihanna and she would keep allowing him to come back into her life each time he apologized. Finally, when it got so bad and the headlines were screaming the news, Rihanna had enough and left Chris. Chris, we hope, got the help he needed to find out why … HE ALLOWED ANGER TO CONTROL HIM INSTEAD OF HIM CONTROLLING HIS ANGER.
If you are in an abusive relationship or know of someone who is, the most important first step to take is to realize that it’s not your fault. You are not causing the abuser to harm you. Your abuser could be your boyfriend, girlfriend, close relative (mom, dad, sibling, etc.) or friend. Most abusers are victims of domestic violence themselves but that is no excuse. No one has permission to harm you or your family members. NO ONE! YOU can stop the cycle by learning as much as you can about domestic and date bullying/violence and getting help as soon as you can. For example, domestic bullying/violence is more than physical violence. Check out this list.
EIGHT SIGNS OF DATE BULLYING/DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
1) Does he/she try to keep you away from your friends and family? Abusers want to isolate you so that they have even more power over you.
8) Do you break up, then make up, then break up again? Does he/she convince you to stay in the relationship even though you know you NEED and WANT to get out? It is a vicious circle that keeps you locked in and scared to follow what your heart and MIND are telling you.
STOP THE CYCLE OF ABUSE AND GET HELP
If you or a family member is suffering from domestic violence, abuse or date violence, get help as soon as you can. Talk with a counselor at your school or contact one of the hot lines we’ve listed below. If you are being abused contact the police to make sure there is a public record. Once you break up with an abusive partner they will go on to abuse others so having a public record could help his/her next abuse victim. It will also help you.
The police can keep you safe from your abuser and connect you to a VICTIM’S ADVOCATES. Victim Advocates are professionals trained to support victims of crime. Advocates offer victims information, emotional support, and help finding resources and filling out paperwork. Sometimes, advocates go to court with victims. Advocates may also contact organizations, such as criminal justice or social service agencies, to get help or information for victims. Some advocates staff crisis hotlines, run support groups, or provide in-person counseling. Victim advocates may also be called victim service providers, victim/witness coordinators, or victim/witness specialists. SO DON’T BE AFRAID TO CALL THE POLICE IN ORDER TO KEEP YOURSELF SAFE!
HOTLINES: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 U.S. National Teen Dating Violence Helpline at 1-866-331-9474
My name is Brooke Axtell and I am a survivor of domestic violence. After a year of passionate romance with a handsome, charismatic man, I was stunned when he began to abuse me. I believed he was lashing out because he was in pain, and needed help. I believed my compassion could restore him and our relationship. My empathy was used against me. I was terrified of him and ashamed I was in this position. What bound me to him was my desire to heal him. My compassion was incomplete because it did not include me. When he threatened to kill me, I knew I had to escape. I revealed the truth to my mom and she encouraged me to seek help at a local domestic violence shelter. This conversation saved my life.
Authentic love does not devalue another human being. Authentic love does not silence, shame, or abuse. If you are in a relationship with someone who does not honor or respect you, I want you to know that you are worthy of love. Please reach out for help. Your voice will save you. Let it extend into the night. Let it part the darkness. Let it set you free to know who you truly are. Valuable. Beautiful. Loved.
WE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH
A few of us at Hey U.G.L.Y. are survivors of date/domestic abuse and we know what you are going through. That’s why we’re working with the victim advocate experts to develop one of our cool “emotional learning” activity programs for your school to help you never have to withstand this again. But don’t wait for our program, get help now. Click on the picture below to learn how Jessica survived date bullying/domestic abuse.
ARE YOU DATING A NARCISSIST?
Narcissism is defined as: excessive sense of self-importance over and above the needs of others; grandiosity; arrogance; absence of ability to empathize and experience reciprocity in relationships; intense need for admiration/attention to fill very low self-esteem; impaired relationships resulting in parasitic/predatory behaviors designed to fill one’s self-esteem in the form of narcissistic supply (DSM-IV).
People with narcissistic traits are known for targeting intelligent, self-sufficient, empathic individuals as partners. They tend to lack core identity (Brown, 2013), and need narcissistic supply to fill their empty psyches. Narcissistic supply comes mostly in the form of adulation, adoration, and attention, but any sort of feedback allows the individual with narcissistic qualities to feel alive (including negative attention). These individuals feel a sense of challenge in targeting highly successful, attractive individuals who may already be in other relationships and/or who express a sense of vulnerability (i.e. having grief or depression, or recently getting out of a relationship). More…