Everyone at Hey U.G.L.Y. – Unique Gifted Lovable You deeply understands how terrible a break-up can feel.
If you are the one breaking up, you might feel afraid that you are making a big mistake. You start worrying that if you leave this person you may never find another person who loves you. Plus, no one wants to consciously hurt another person, and that might weigh heavily on you too.
If you are the one being told the relationship is over, you too can feel so scared. All of the dreams you have made as to how your life was going to be are now shattered. All of your “I’m not good enough” buttons might get pushed, and you could think the reason he/she is breaking up with you is because of something you did or did not do. Remember what we discussed in the previous chapter — it could be that the person breaking up with you just doesn’t love him or herself enough!
Once you get past the initial shock and grief of the breakup, try to look at it like an educational process. During any relationship there are some things that you really like and some things that you wish would never have happened. You can’t change any of that, but you can make your next relationship much better by remembering those experiences. So, we say to the person who “broke our heart”, especially if they were a jerk, “THANK YOU for being my teacher, now I know what I do not want.”
I know so many people whose hearts were broken, but then found a much better partner. Eventually they could see how the break-up was important in helping them learn valuable lessons so they could live the life they really wanted to live.
We have all been through it, more times than we care to mention. But the key here is the words “through it.” You will get through it. I know, I didn’t think I would make it through either, but then I gained strength watching some of my favorite celebrities go through the pain and then end up with someone so much better for them.
Can you think of some celebrities who had a tough break-up but then ended up with someone better? EmailPreventBullyingNow@heyugly.org and let us know who you suggest.
YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT!
It is a proven fact that no matter how much you feel you loved someone, once the breakup happens you can heal and often find an even better partner. But don’t deny the hurt you are feeling. It’s like a death. It’s the death of the relationship and the dreams you had for it. Grieve the loss of those conversations, dates, texts, phone calls, etc. Cry your eyes out, and then move on.
Try not to jump into a new relationship until you have grieved and let this relationship go. So many of us (and most of us at Hey U.G.L.Y. are guilty of this) jump into another relationship way too soon. Don’t do that. It is not fair to you or to your new boyfriend/girlfriend.
If you wonder how long it will take you to get over someone, let us just say that it takes as long as it takes. If you are in deep, deep pain for more than a month it would be a great idea to see a grief counselor or therapist to help you work through the pain. But remember, the pain will go away. Just like when we have a sore throat, while we are suffering it, we can’t believe we’ll ever be able to swallow without pain again. But, our throat finally heals and we can swallow without pain. We remember the pain, but the actual pain is past. You too will someday get over this pain. Hang in there and be in a healthy relationship with YOU. Treat yourself like you want others to treat YOU. It works.