DEAL FEEL HEAL PLAYING CARDS™
Get in touch with your feelings by literally touching them!
Have fun discovering, discussing, and embracing your love energy and fear energy emotions.
Our games and exercises can help you live life consciously so you can turn negative self-talk into positives.
Based on the philosophy that all feelings can be narrowed down to two categories…Love and Fear, Hey U.G.L.Y.’s 52 card deck has 25 love energy cards and 25 fear energy cards with two ‘Gratitude’ wild cards. We chose gratitude because that state of being can repel negativity which allows our inner joy and love to shine.
One of the games people love is Buddha Said (scroll down to see games and exercises). Buddha says, if you want to get out of one emotion go to it’s opposite. In our deck of cards, each love-based card has an opposite fear-based card. The object of this game is to see how fast you can put all the love feelings over the opposite fear feeling. You can play this game like Solitaire or compete with your friends.
E N D O R S E M E N T S
“The cards allow people to review, discuss, and process emotions in a safe and fun activity while encouraging them to identify and practice skills by which to transfer negative emotions into more positive ones. Due to COVID precautions in my office, I have only been able to use the cards a couple of times. When I did use them, it generated a good discussion about when, where, why, and how the person felt the feeling on the card. I also talked with them about actions/behaviors in which they could engage to decrease the negative ones and increase the positive ones. Accurately identifying and appropriately expressing our feelings can help everyone improve their mental health.”
Kimberly L. Brunt, PH.D., HSPP, Licensed Psychologist and Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychology at Purdue University Northwest and therapist
“When children engage in Deal Feel Heal games, they are practicing life skills, in particular, how to adapt inner feelings to an outside stimulus. The tasks practice higher-order thinking and problem-solving skills, and the social and gaming aspects cement the learning. The gamers have fun learning how to recognize their best selves!”
Dr. Sue Bryant, PH.D, retired educator and school principal
“Children experience wide ranges of emotions, often without being able to identify them. This can have a negative impact on mental health, leaving a child feeling confused, and out of control. The beauty of the Deal Feel Heal deck of cards is that rather than classifying feelings as good or bad, we are exploring feelings as energies originating from either love or fear. For children, this distinction has the power to open entire avenues of self-understanding without the stigma of being right or wrong. Introducing children to a wide range of emotions, and teaching through play that emotions named can be emotions tamed, will help countless youth as they learn to master emotional regulation.”
Natalie Hartney LPC NCC BC-TMH, Licensed Psychologist, founder of The Optimistic Therapist and Host of the Bad Childhood Podcast
“As a mental health provider with 40 years of clinical experience, I believe that getting in touch with feelings and learning how to manage them is a key to mental health. The Deal, Feel, Heal playing cards teach children, teens, and adults to identify and express how they feel, along with skill sets to calm uncomfortable, painful feelings in a safe, supportive environment. I believe the Deal Feel Heal cards will be helpful in supporting mental health to a broad population—and may even save lives.”
Jill Zimmerman Rutledge, LCSW Psychotherapist, Author: Dealing With the Stuff that makes Life Tough: the 10 things that Stress Girls Out and How to Cope with Them, Picture Perfect: What You need to Feel Better About Your Body, Prom: The Big Night Out
To buy the Deal Feel Heal playing cards click the Buy Now button below
C A R D G A M E S & E X E R C I S E S
(to be played like solitaire or with a group of two or more people)
There are 25 love energy cards and 25 fear energy cards plus two Gratitude Wild Cards.
Buddha said to get out of one energy go to it’s opposite so each fear energy card has an opposite.
Step one: Remove the two Gratitude love energy cards
Step two: Go through the deck of cards placing, face up, all of the fear energy cards.
Step three: Deal out the love energy to the players.
Step four: Have each player take turns placing, face up, the corresponding opposite love energy card.
(to be played with two people)
The goal is to be the first player to win all 52 cards
Step One: The deck is divided evenly, with each player receiving 26 cards, dealt one at a time, face down. Anyone may deal first.
Each player places their stack of cards face down, in front of them.
Step Two: Each player turns up their top card at the same time and the player with the love energy card takes both cards and puts them, face down, on the bottom of his/her stack.
If the cards are the same rank, it is War. Each player turns up one card face up. The player with a love energy or gratitude card takes both piles (four cards).
If you play a love energy, or Wild Card, you repeat until a love energy or wild card wins. You then take all of the cards played and continue play.
Step 3- Winner: The game ends when one player has won all the cards.
WHY BULLIES BULLY?
(to be played with a group of two or more people)
Step One. Separate the love energy cards from the fear energy cards
Step Two. Take the fear energy cards and turn them face up
Step Three. Have the player on dealer’s left select the card he/she thinks and feels is the main reason why a bully bullies.
Open up for a discussion with your group. When discussion ends. The next player selects a card and proceed as above, until
all fear energy cards have been used.
WHAT ARE THEY AFRAID OF?
(to be played with a group of two or more people)
Step One. Separate the love energy cards from the fear energy cards
Step Two. Select a fear energy card, for example, jealousy. Think of someone you know who is jealous, or
a time when you were feeling that fear energy. What do you think a person is afraid of if they are jealous.
Share it with your group, then open it discussion to find out what others think. When you have finished, the
next player takes a fear card, and the process continues. This game is designed to help you move out of
fear energy and to also have empathy for yourself, and others, when they are stuck in a place of fear.
OBSERVE YOUR FEELINGS – STOP SELF-BULLYING
Step One: Go through the deck of cards and find all of the negative word/s your mind repeats over and over again. Set those cards on the table face up.
Step Two: Take one of the cards you turned up and ask yourself,” who put this negative thought/emotion into my brain?” Since most of the negative judgments we have about ourselves come from somebody else … a friend, family member, etc., it is human nature to actually believe the judgments of others and take them on as our own and repeat them to ourselves thousands, and thousands of times. Sometimes, just seeing a photograph or actor in a movie makes us feel negative feelings of not being good enough, strong enough, pretty enough, etc. Friend of Hey U.G.L.Y. and author of YOU ARE THE ANSWER, Michael Tamura says, “All of the negative thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves are lies. They are not true. Not one of them. There is nothing terrible or awful about us. It is just the negative judgments that we hold onto which cause others to sense our insecurities.”
Step Three: Close your eyes and pretend you are holding your phone. Imagine it is full of all the negative thoughts you have taken onto yourself from all the bullies in your life. All those words that make you feel like you are worthless and unimportant. Now, on the count of three delete all those negative thoughts. If you are alone, you add another method that helps get pain out of your body. Yelling. This time, on the count of three, yell the word DELETE as you press your imaginary phone. Now, close your eyes and picture all of that negativity leaving your body. Next, take a deep breath and replace all that negativity with something positive about yourself. Take another deep breath and open your eyes.
Part Two of exercise: Now it’s time to fess up. How many of you have negatively judged someone? Just like it hurts to be negatively judged, that’s what we are doing to others when we negatively judge and gossip about them. Go through the deck of cards and pull out all the negative negative judgments you’ve had someone. Hold those cards in your hands and, on the count of three, through them in the air and then imagine something positive about them. You can give yourself bonus points if you go to Hey U.G.L.Y.’s Project Apologize on this website. Read the story and then actually apologize to the person you negatively judged. It can be life transforming.
SPEAK YOUR FEELINGS
(to be played with a group of four or more people)
Step One. Dealer shuffles the cards and deals one card to each person
Step Two. Dealer asks person to his/her right to show their card and explain how that feeling either affected their life or how they overcame it.
If they have NOT experienced that feeling they can return the card to the dealer and request another card.
The dealer buries the card into the deck and deals that player the next card on the top of the deck.
The player can now discuss how that feeling affected them. Time limit is one to three minutes.
That person discards his/her card and picks up another card. The game moves on to the next player.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY? WHAT’S YOUR TOMORROW?
This is a good exercise to do at the end of the day to help you on your journey to being the YOU you want to be.
Step One: Before you go to bed look at each card and select all of the feelings you felt during the day.
Step Two: Separate the love energy feelings from the fear energy feelings.
Step Three: Look at each fear energy card one at a time and ask yourself,
“what was I afraid of and does this happen often?” If you would
like to practice not feeling that fear, find its opposite and practice going to
that energy the next time you find yourself in that space.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If it is a feeling that happens because you are fearful of physical or
emotional hurt from another person…classmate,
bully, teacher, parent, coach, etc….talk to a trusted adult like your
school counselor, a professional therapist, relative, teacher, etc.
Step Four: WHAT’S YOUR TOMORROW? Experts like best-selling author,
Stephen Covey, say planning your day the night before, is a key to success.
Go through all of the love energy cards and plan out how you
want your tomorrow to go. How do you want to feel when you…1. wake up,
2) get dressed, 3) interact with people, 4) take a test, etc.
yourself going through your day. At the end of your day, to back to
Step One and see how close you came to living your life the way you wanted to.
“Wow! DEAL, FEEL, HEAL is an extraordinary book by Betty Hoeffner. I just finished reading it cover-to-cover this morning – in one sitting. But, of far greater importance, I am looking forward to reading it again and again to savor each simple, yet profound, section to carefully extract every little gem of loving wisdom it shares! To me, Betty was already Wonder Woman in her super-human feats to bring understanding and healing and an end to substance abuse, bullying and suicide amongst youth in the US and around the world. Yet, throughout this book, she shows us, how in every difficult situation we encounter in life, we may all learn to progress on our way to greater peace, joy and fulfillment. Never before have I read a book, offered as a kind of easy-to-use resource and guide for young people, that so inspired me and that brought forth a bouquet of smiles and far more than a few tears of joy, as did DEAL, FEEL, HEAL.” Michael J Tamura, Spiritual Teacher and Author of YOU ARE THE ANSWER
“Betty Hoeffner is to be commended for the honesty she deals with the subject of both being bullied and even at times being a person who has bullied others. In ‘DEAL FEEL HEAL she talks about her life-long journey to find love and respect for her own person, as well as to better understand how other people feel. She shows us how a person, with some hard work and self awareness, can learn from her mistakes and become a stronger, better centered individual. In sharing her efforts to be the best person she can be, Ms. Hoeffner teaches us how we can overcome our own fears and limitations to become better, more caring people.” Bill Zimmerman, author & creator of MakeBeliefsComix.com
Click here to buy DEAL FEEL HEAL