Self-bullying is when someone calls you something negative and you repeat it to yourself 3,000 times.
Someone gives you a dirty look and you start feeling bad about yourself.
Your THOUGHTS become what Hey U.G.L.Y. calls … THE BULLY WITHIN.
The info on this page can help you stop that voice in your head that tells you YOU are not good enough.
ANY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ABOUT YOURSELF ARE LIES
According to Michael Tamura, author of the must-read book, YOU ARE THE ANSWER, any negative thoughts we have about ourselves are lies. They were put there by someone else -a coach, teacher, parent, sibling, etc. It doesn’t even have to be something someone said, it could be dirty look or being snubbed. Those negative inner voices can also be ignited after we compare ourselves with an actor/actress in a movie we just watched, or see a picture of someone in a magazine who looks perfect and we immediately feel not good enough, not skinny enough, not strong enough, etc. All those thoughts are lies. We were made to be who WE are individually and that is amazing on it’s own. So, each time you have a negative thought about yourself…delete it and replace it with something positive. We cannot stress enough the importance of recognizing when you have a negative thought about yourself, stopping for a second to recognize that you thought badly about yourself, and then consciously choose to change that thought into something positive about yourself. The more your practice the more you will no longer have those negative thoughts.
YOU KNOW HOW BAD IT FEELS WHEN ANOTHER PERSON NEGATIVELY JUDGES YOU. It’s awful. Right? Each time you call yourself stupid, ugly, not good enough, etc., you are taking positive energy away from yourself. Click on the picture to the right to watch a thought-provoking film clip from the movie, WHAT THE BLEEP. It will show you how powerful your thoughts are. In the clip you will hear about a scientist who taped different words to bottled water. After you view the video, send an email to PreventBullyingNow@heyugly.org telling us why you think it’s important that teens around the world see this video clip. If we post it on our facebook page we’ll send you a free T-shirt.
“Few of us measure our intelligence against the bar set by Albert Einstein, or our tennis ability by Venus Williams’ trophy case. We’re inspired, not discouraged, by their achievements: We still go to college, and we still pick up our rackets and play. So why do we get so down on ourselves when we don’t stack up physically to the genetic anomaly that is Gisele Bundchen?” Christian L. Wright, Freelance Writer/Editor
OBSERVE YOUR FEELINGS
Make a list of all the people who have negatively judged you. What negative thing did they call you? Quite often the negative messages we give ourselves are not our own. Most of the negative judgments we have about ourselves come from somebody else … a friend, family member, etc. It is human nature to actually believe the judgments of others and take them on as our own. It is YOUR JOB TO RECOGNIZE that someone else’s negative judgment of you is NOT WHO YOU ARE. Has anyone ever called you a name and then you start calling yourself that name over and over and over in your head??
In Hey U.G.L.Y.’s DEAL FEEL HEAL program and book, we quote Michael Tamura, the author of YOU ARE THE ANSWER – an amazing book that deserves to be in everyone’s personal growth library. Here is what Tamura says, “All of the negative thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves are lies. They are not true. Not one of them. There is nothing terrible or awful about us. It is just the negative judgments that we hold onto which cause others to sense our insecurities.”
There is power in making friends with your feelings. To help you, Hey U.G.L.Y. created the Deal Feel Heal Playing Cards. Check them out @ https://heyugly.org/deal-feel-heal-playing-cards/
YOUR BODY HAS FEELINGS TOO
Most of us treat our friends better than we treat ourselves. THAT’S SO WRONG! How much time do we waste obsessing about something?
I HATE MY HAIR!
I HATE MY NOSE!
I HATE MY BUTT!
I HATE MY THIGHS
Our body helps us all of the time. It is constantly there for us and we sometimes treat it worse than we would treat a stranger on the street. How many times have you told your body that you hated it? Award winning recording artist P!NK said: “I was obsessing about my thighs until the day I visited children in a hospital and saw kids with no legs.”
One of the keys to being whole is knowing that you deserve. Oprah Winfrey said her whole life changed when she realized she deserved. Hey U.G.L.Y. got together with CB Teen Magazine and asked youth across America to finish the sentence, ‘I deserve . . .’ The answers came in a myriad of responses ranging from, ‘I deserve nothing because I think I have to earn it,’ to, happiness, love, respect and ‘a boyfriend who will love me as I am.’ We took the top responses and put them on a T-shirt to remind everyone that we all really do DESERVE.
Here’s the thing — like attracts like. If you are in drama you attract other people who are in drama. If you are in anger chances are some of your friends or family members are stuck in anger too. If you’d like to be happy and be the You YOU Want To Be, make that your conscious goal, and then watch your whole world change. We have dedicated a chapter to this subject at the end of our Deal Feel Book.
TAME YOUR EGO
If a person called one of your friends “ugly” or “stupid” you would defend them, right? That’s what you should do for yourself whenever you have a negative self-judgment.
TWO ASSIGNMENTS FOR YOU:
1. Make a list of 10 things people say against their bodies.
2. Make a list of 20 wonderful things your body does for you.
3. Email your lists to: PreventBullyingNow@heyugly.org with “Self Bullying” in the subject line. We’ll post the most representative lists on our I AM ENOUGH web page.
SEE WHAT BULLYING DOES TO OTHERS AND YOURSELF
Just like the first video on this page shows how negative thoughts can affect us, this video shows how bullying others, AND yourself, can hurt you both emotionally and physically. After you watch the video, please let us know how you think it could help young people all over the world. Send your thoughts to us @ PreventBullyingNow@heyugly.org
CANCEL OUT THE VOICE INSIDE OF YOU THAT SAYS YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH
According to Hey U.G.L.Y.’s Assembly Presenter, American Idol Contestant and singer/songwriter Devyn Rush, “After all, no one is a perfect person, and no one really has a perfect life. It is important that we not compare ourselves with others because there will always be someone we’ll consider more attractive, smarter, more talented, or who has a cuter boyfriend/girlfriend, or more money, etc. The next time that voice in your head tells you that you are not good enough, just picture a face with that voice. Picture a scared child. Now imagine that scared child is you when you were young. Hold that child and tell him/her that he/she IS ENOUGH. Think about all of the things that you do well and compliment that little child on each one. Maybe you’re good at singing, dancing, biking, running, drawing, etc. Maybe you are a great friend, good at math, writing, etc. When we take good care of ourselves, and surround ourselves with friends and family who love us that just has to be good enough! If we focus our energies on what we do have, and make the most of it–instead of obsessing about what we don’t have–it can help us feel like we really ARE enough.”
HOW TO SQUISH OUT ALL THOSE NEGATIVE JUDGMENTS
Take your index finger and press it to your thumb like you were squishing a piece of dirt between those fingers. Now, each time you make a negative judgment about others or yourself, press those fingers together and squish out that negativity. Immediately replace the negative judgment with a positive statement. The more you do this the easier it will be to not make negative judgments at all. It’s kinda like exercising or learning a musical instrument. The more you practice the easier it gets. So practice, practice, practice.
RECALL A NEGATIVE JUDGMENT YOU HAD ABOUT YOURSELF and squish that negative thought between your fingers. Close your eyes and picture your inner-self. Make a sincere apology to yourself then give your inner-self a compliment. How did you feel giving yourself a compliment? On a piece of paper make a list of the things you like about yourself and read it every night before you go to bed.
GRATITUDE – Make a list of five things you are grateful for each night before you go to bed. It can be as simple as having fingers that allow you to use a spoon to help you eat your cereal to has major as having legs that help you walk. Just make sure you list at least five things. GRATITUDE IS A CURE FOR ANGER, FEAR AND SELF-BULLYING.
The next time you have a negative judgment about yourself or someone else just STOP. Don’t negatively judge yourself for having a negative judgment, just recognize it, squish it out and replace it with something positive.
Hey U.G.L.Y.’s good friend, Mary L. Friddle, is a Quantum energy practitioner. She gave us great idea to help keep other peoples’ negative judgments and thoughts from draining and weakening your energy. Pretend you have a zipper on your body (like a zipper on a Hoodie), now ZIP YOURSELF UP all the way to your mouth. Imagine you now have a protective shield around you that will not allow anyone’s negative thoughts and judgments to penetrate. Pretend there is a lock at the top of the zipper. Give it a quick turn to lock in your protection. You may want to do this before you go into the mall.
QUESTION: Where are some other places where zipping up your shield would be a good idea? Email your answers to us with “Zip it up” in the subject line.
CALIFORNIA STUDENT CANCELS OUT NEGATIVES AND REPLACES THEM WITH POSITIVES
Hey U.G.L.Y. wants to thank Taylor Brianne Swelstad for sending us the following Negative To Positive thoughts. Taylor, and all of us at Hey U.G.L.Y., hope this helps you on your journey to feeding yourself positive vibes and understanding that all negative thoughts you have about yourself are lies. We hope this will also help you to not negatively judge others too. But, if you slip and do, immediately think of something positive about the person you negatively judged.
WHAT PEOPLE SAY AGAINST THEIR BODIES:
by Taylor Brianne Swelstad
1. Too skinny, too fat
2. Nose is too big
3. Hips are too wide, and legs are too skinny
4. Hair is not long enough, or that hairstyle looks bad
5. Ugly face
6. Thighs are bigger than a whale, or thighs are smaller than a pencil
7. Butt has too much baby fat, or butt does not go with her curvy body
8. Curvy is fat, skinny looks sick, and fat is obese and just, well, plain out ugly
9. A chubby woman is not flattering, however, a curvy woman or a skinnier figure is much more presentable and flattering.
10. Eyebrows are too bushy, forehead is too big, zits are unattractive, and face is unflattering. Also, thighs are too big.
WONDERFUL THINGS YOUR BODY DOES FOR YOU:
by Taylor Brianne Swelstad
1. Your body eats and nourishes you.
2. Your body cleans out any harmful or unnecessary foods or bacteria in your digestion system and throws them away.
3. Your body can look presentable by doing little things for yourself, such as showing confidence and dressing and looking nice, but also feeling clean and nice within.
5. You can help others with disabilities and others who are less fortunate with your own body parts that some of them may not have.
8. Helping out a friend or volunteering for something.
9. Arms for hugging
10. Legs for cuddling
11. Arms and legs for holding a person, animal, or something valuable.
12. Reading and writing and creativity.
13. Woman make babies and produce new life, which is very incredible for our bodies to go through
14. Swim team, cross- country, or typing or doing an assignment/essay for school.
15. Traveling and carrying someone’s bags or helping another person out on the plane.
16. Video games
17. Board games, family time, bonding and affection.
18. Starting a family, having kids.
19. Dancing, singing, and listening to your favorite music all at once.
20. Acting, starring or playing an important role in a movie or TV show.
|O U R D E E P E S T F E A R !|
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Nelson Mandella
| HEY U.G.L.Y WANTS TO KNOW
Do YOU think people are negatively judging you because YOU are negatively judging others? Ever look at somebody’s hair or body and make a negative judgement about it? Could it be that you are negatively judging them because you are always negative judging your hair or body and thinking it’s not good enough? It’s easy to make fun of others, but just like negative words and thoughts hurt us, we are hurting them.C H O O S E T O C H A N G E So … if we start changing the way we look at ourselves, if we start liking and loving ourselves, maybe we will start drawing to us people who also like themselves instead of drawing people who negatively judge us and find fault with us because they find fault with themselves.What do you think? We loved to know. Send us an email or text on our facebook page
This photo was sent to us Marcelleloveeee. Here’s what she said about it: “My recent photo project is emphasizing how words hurt people! So much bullying and harrassing going on not just our school but nationwide .Your negative words turn into how people describe themselves. Look in the mirror, nobody is perfect! Life is so damn beautiful and we should all be buidling each other up rather than tearing each other down! Be the one who creates a new era of happiness. Be the one who changes a negative thought someone thinks about themselves.”
YOU CAN NOT GIVE WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE
Best selling author, Dr. Wayne Dyer, uses the orange as a metaphor. He says: “When you squeeze an orange juice comes out – because that’s what’s inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.” So, if someone says or does something you don’t like or behaves towards you in a way you find offensive, or does something you feel hurt by does hurt, shame, anger, anxiety or stress come out? Do you say ‘the reason that comes out of me is because how he/she said it or the way he/she did that? The truth is what comes out is what’s inside. So, if you don’t like what’s inside of you ask yourself what caused the anger, shame, etc. Was it something that happened to you when you were young that you are carrying around with you? If so, then feel it. Go back to the first time you felt that way, feel it then let it go. Picture it leaving your body and flying far away. Then heal yourself. Repeat over and over that you no longer need to be angry, bitter, or whatever it is that is coming up. The more your remind yourself of this the easier it will get. Just like exercising gets easier on your body the more you do it, being mindful of your the emotions you want to release and then letting them go helps you to change.
The next time something negative comes out of you do what one of our great teachers and best-selling authors, Gary Zukav, said to do on an episode of the Oprah Show.
So, is the reason we react angrily to others because we react angrily toward ourselves? Think about that and email your suggestions on ways you and your classmates can CHOOSE TO CHANGE that. Email them to PreventBullyingNow@heyugly.org
Become a part of Hey U G L Y’s Stop Bullying Task Force by completing our STOP BULLYING HANDBOOK with your friends. Click on the picture of our book for more info.
Read all about how we took on bullying in this front page story in NWI Catholic Newspaper.
Learn how 2 B the you YOU want 2 B
DEAL FEEL HEAL was written with students to help people who do not know how to deal with their emotional pain. Whether coming from homes where a cycle of domestic abuse exists and/or suffering the daily barrage of bullying, stress and pressure, these students are numbing their emotional pain with violence, food, alcohol, drugs, self-injury and, in some cases, ending their lives.