“I’m classically good at avoiding things, I just didn’t want to deal with my issues. And those are the things I’ve been running from since I was a kid. I’d only learned to show emotion when I was acting because I didn’t feel worthy enough to feel those things as myself.
I have so many friends. They ride for me and I love my friends so much, but it felt like a lot of the time, they were shallow relationships only because I wasn’t able to be honest about the things I was going through. I didn’t want to burden anyone. It was also like, ‘What if people leave? If you any of my friends, they would say they’d never seen me cry. And my old friends, the ones I’ve known since I was 13, they all came over and we started crying. They looked at me and, You deserve a chance to have joy.”
Before I was always into the quick fix of healing, going to a week-long retreat or a course for trauma, say, and that helped for a minute, but it didn’t ever really get to the nitty-gritty, the deeper stuff. This time I realized that 12-step treatment was the best thing, and it was about not being ashamed of that. The community made a huge difference. The opposite of addiction is connection, and I really found that in 12-Step.” Vogue